Today I'm going to share with you more about the paintings from my new Avatars Collection! It's a lot of reading so I appreciate your time and attention.
"Romantasy" • 16 x 20" • Oil paint on canvas
This was the first painting I started in this collection. Before starting the paintings, I did several charcoal studies of each piece I planned to paint to get a sense of the light and shadows. When using charcoal, I like to work in a "subtractive" manner which means I erase the charcoal for the lighter areas. When it came time to paint, I was still trying to use the oils in the same way as the charcoal, subtractive-ly, but the oil paint didn't really want to lift off this particular canvas, so I wasn't able to approach it in the same way. (In the past, I have worked this way with oils, but for whatever reason it didn't want to behave) As the underpainting progressed, I like how it looked all in one color, and adding the color was a little tricky for me. Doing an underpainting was new for me, and I didn't yet know how much time I should be spending on it. (I quickly figured this out, that I was spending far too much time on it)
Enough about the technical painting details.. as for what this piece is all about, the sword is a direct nod to fantasy lands. I read a lot of books, and I love romantic fantasy books especially, or "Romantasy" as many people call it. This piece is inspired by the strong heroines from the books I read. If you need book recommendations I have about a thousand.
"Romantasy 1" • 9 x 12" • Charcoal on grey paper
This is the charcoal sketch version of Romantasy. This was the very first piece I created in this series. I did about 8 charcoal studies of various images before starting the paintings. I didn't paint every charcoal drawing I made, but creating these ahead of time gave me "muscle memory" so when I painted the ones I painted, my hands already knew certain shapes, and I already had made certain decisions about what to omit and what to add. I do like adding this step in to my process.
"Scrunchie" • 16 x 20" • Oil paint on canvas
This is the second painting I started in the series. Since I knew the oil paint wasn't going to act like the charcoal, I started softer and with more thinned out paint, to layer gently since I wasn't going to "erase" as much. I like to use oil paint like watercolor, in very thin washy layers. This painting features my earrings, necklace, striped dress and gold scrunchie. It was fun to dress Amelia up in my things.
I didn't have a specific idea in mind for this look, I just loved this photo of her in the leaves. When working from a photograph, having a reference is great, but I am always making a lot of decisions about what to leave out and what to put in. I never replicate a photo exactly, I use it as a general guide and add my own embellishments along the way, and choose what to exaggerate and what to soften.
Not everything is a conscious choice, sometime it just "feels" better to have a certain color in a particular place, there's not always a clear reason, other than the balance felt wrong, or right. Since I have aphantasia and can't visualize things, having photographic reference is super convenient and a big part of my art making, though I don't always use one. I never get too stuck on the photo though, because I feel like I lose something when trying to replicate an image exactly. Having a general blueprint is really nice, but it's never a map I follow 100%. I still want things from my unconscious to come through.. though they will whether I want them to or not.
"Scrunchie in Charcoal" • 9 x 12" • Charcoal on grey paper
I really love how dark yet bright the charcoal pieces turned out. My favorite part is adding the white chalk details at the end. I was tempted to add tiny pops of color to these pieces but in the end I exercised restraint. As much as I love color, I also love things that are monotone. Like my clothing, I'm generally either wearing full on color, or all black.
"Striped Body" • 16 x 20" • Oil paint on canvas
This was another piece that I hadn't exactly planned out, but when I took the photo, I loved the composition and perspective and knew I wanted to paint it. I struggled with the color portions a bit on this but eventually I found my way. In the background is a white pot my husband gave me years ago, the basket I use as a purse lately, an amethyst ring (my birth stone) and turquoise necklace.
Earlier this year, I felt myself coming out of a long funk and feeling more like myself again, and with that came wanting to wear dresses and jewelry, not the leggings and sweaters had been wearing for years. There's nothing wrong with that, but I had just forgotten how it made me feel to wear things I like, and to like the way I look, it makes me feel good. Since I was little, I have always loved clothes and liked dressing differently, in high school I was definitely a weirdo and danced to the beat of my own drum and wore some very strange things and had some interesting hair phases. It felt good to view dressing as a creative act again, and not something I just had to do in the morning. This striped dress was one I had got for myself, and I like how I feel when I wear it. This isn't me wearing it, but I like looking at it even on someone else.
"Forget Me Not" • 18 x 24" • Oil paint on watercolor paper
While the previous pieces of Amelia were in progress, I was getting a little bit stuck on the color portion, so I decided to start other pieces that I felt I could be freer with. I had been getting really in to fashion video games and had been taking a ton of screenshots of my character I was dressing up, I thought they looked so pretty and knew I needed to paint them. And it fit right in line with what I was already doing with my model - the dressing up, styling and posing. It was a fun moment when I realized that the games I was playing had a direct line to my art! The thing I was doing for fun could actually have a role in my work, and not in an abstract way it had been in the past. For this piece, I had just redone my digital house and garden and was especially excited about these giant forget me not flowers, so I posed her with them.
I tried to be looser and not get too attached to the underpainting so I wouldn't worry about "ruining" it with color. That's the problem sometimes when I really like how a piece is looking, it makes me timid and cautious because I don't want to "mess it up". But really the best works happens when you're not worrying about that. It's a mental game of trying to tell yourself you don't care one way or the other, and to just let it flow. It's not always easy tricking yourself not to care or be attached.
"Ancient Future" • 18 x 24" • Oil paint on canvas
Even though I had started the previous "Forget Me Not" painting with the intention of it letting me be freer with it, of course I fell in to the same trap of starting to like the underpainting too much. I knew I needed to try something new so I wouldn't get caught again. For this one, I painted some loose blocky color in first, so I wouldn't have to worry about it later. But naturally, when I started the painting, I was then timid about adding the underpainting over too much of the color portion. ha ha ha whatever. In the end though, I did a hybrid version and didn't fill in the underpainting everywhere, or the color everywhere, and I like how it looks. I normally would have taken this painting a bit further but sometimes I try and STOP when I like it. Because otherwise I often ruin it.
"Moody Charmira" • 18 x 24" • Oil paint on watercolor paper
This is my personal favorite from the collection. I think she's able to express some emotions maybe I'm not always comfortable expressing. It's easy to feel like I have to be "happy" or "nice" all the time, but that's not always honest. I like that she has more attitude. I haven't often painted figures with different types of moods but this is one of them.
"Moody Charmira in Charcoal" • 9 x 12" • Charcoal on grey paper
The charcoal version ended up a little less moody than the painting, I think she's a little bit softer in this one. And that's the thing about painting faces, I can paint the same face over and over again and it will be different every time. They reflect my feelings whether I want them to or not, and they reveal a lot more about me than I realize.
"Selfie with Switch" • 16 x 20" • Oil paint on canvas
It's probably been about 5 years since I've done a painting of myself. While a lot of my paintings are self portraits in an indirect way, like living vicariously through them, this is showing more of who I am, and not the fantastical version I usually would paint myself as. This is me in real life, in my own dress, in my jewelry, with my objects. I didn't fill in the face entirely though, I didn't feel the need to. I also really wanted a painting with my Nintendo Switch because video games have always been such a big part of my life that I haven't really put in my work before, at least not so directly.
"Selfie with Charcoal" • 9 x 12" • Charcoal on grey paper
A charcoal version of a slightly different pose. When it came time for the painting, I decided on the other pose because the big bow was getting lost in the foreground.
"Charmira's Bathroom" • 18 x 24" • Oil paint on watercolor paper
Since I was getting so attached to the underpaintings for several of these pieces, I decided to just leave one that way. I like that it shows my original pencil sketch and early brush strokes that would normally get covered up. It's not easy to call a piece like this "done" but I did. Because I already liked it and felt like anything else wouldn't have made it better, only worse.
"Charmira at Sunset" • 18 x 24" • Oil paint on watercolor paper
This was another one I started early on in the process where I spent too much time on the underpainting. The problem with that is just wasted time. Because I spent too much time refining things that eventually get covered up. It's a process of learning where to spend your time more effectively because sometimes a whole afternoon will just get wiped off the painting because it wasn't making it better. Sometimes paintings don't need a lot of time, they just need focused time in the right way.
"Tea and Video Games" • 12 x 16" • Oil paint on canvas
This is one of the first paintings of objects I have done, besides flowers. I know I can paint anything if I tried, but it's more about what I WANT to paint. And in this case, I really wanted to try my hand at painting things that I haven't before, but still things I liked. I started this one super loosely and almost fell in to the trap of being too scared to mess it up, but in the end I like the mixture I was able to achieve with showing some of the underpainting. I really like when you can still see some of it peeking out, but it's hard to achieve that perfect balance sometimes.
"Pearls and a Bra" • 12 x 16" • Oil paint on canvas
The second painting of objects. This one is a little bit different, it's not exactly clear what everything is, but I like it that way. This was just a moment in my studio while I was preparing the looks for my photoshoot with Amelia. I had a scarf, a bra and some jewelry on a footstool and liked how they were sitting there. I probably would have "posed" the scene more if I knew it was going to be a painting, but I didn't at the time. And this way is a little bit more "real". The blue and red necklace my mom gave me, the pearls were a gift from another family member and the green scarf is one with my old "Burgundy Rose" painting on it. The pink bra is one I wear sometimes. The flowers in the top right are part of a wool scarf.
"Basket at the River" • 12 x 16" • Oil paint on canvas
The final painting of objects. I have always had an obsession with baskets in every shape, color and form. This is just one of many of mine. I love them so much but hadn't painted any until now!! There will be more.
"Skipping Charmira" • 18 x 24" • Oil paint on canvas
When adding all of my pieces to the website, every time I tried to type "Charmira" my computer wanted to correct it to "Charmer". So I keep calling this one "Skipping Charmer" in my head. Anyway, this is Charmira skipping in front of her house, the house and garden I designed. (Someday I'll give you a tour, it's so pretty and full of plants)
This is a different composition for me, there's not much of the underpainting left and I fought with her quite a bit, but in the end we made up and became friends. I may have briefly explained somewhere before, but "Charmira" is the alter ego name I use for almost every video game I play. I rarely use my real name for some reason, even though it's already a unique name. It's just fun to have another persona sometimes. But in this case, Charmira is kind of taking on a life of her own, I don't see her so much as an extension of me anymore, she's becoming her own person. I'm okay with that.
Thanks for reading!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND THANK YOU FOR LOVING MY ART
